Everyone has a different way of defining what a toxic relationship is. I would say a toxic relationship is a relationship that you can’t get out of willingly. What I mean is you can leave on your own terms.
There are many different forms of toxic relationships. First there are abusive relationships. These relationships are hard to get out of because the woman is so wrapped up at the fact that their husband or boyfriend won’t hit them again. However, they will. Another toxic relationship is mental abuse. When your partner, family member, or friend is abusing you mentally its hard to end the relationship because your afraid what they will say to you to get you to stay. Emotional abuse is another factor when in a toxic relationship. These people can become so depressed that theydon’tknow how to get out. I can speak from personal experience because both my parents have put me through emotional distress.
When I was ten, my mom met a guy in a chat room. He turned out to be a wife beater. He hit mom several times and only hit me once. Thank goodness. I will always remember that day. I will never go into detail about it, because I start crying and shaking. However, I will say that when someone mentions the name wyttor the state Ohio I shake.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Oppsites Attract
Re reading the differences of men and woman, I got to thinking about the current relationship I'm in. The guy I'm dating is so different than I am. Maybe this is why we fit together so well, but still shouldn't couples have some similarities? For instance,
Aaron is into playing video games whereas I'm okay with lounging around when I have a free moment. He watches animae and I watch law and order special victims unit.
I have epilepsy and though I don't like having seizures I don't get all flustered when one happens. I also don’t follow my doctor’s instructions on not having caffeine. Aaron makes sure I don't have pop, or chocolate. Although it’s silly, we fight about me drinking soda or eating chocolate. Mainly it’s me bringing up the subject, but still. I don’t like that he’s so concerned sometimes. I think its cute for the most part but it can get annoying sometimes.
I know this is something that most men do, but he doesn’t pick up after himself. That makes me mad .I’m a clean freak so when I see something that is in the wrong place I want to pick it up. The worst part is, if I do pick up his mess he gets upset because I’m messing with his stuff.
What I’ve learned from this relationship is that we are different and I either need to deal with it or I need ro end the relationship.
Aaron is into playing video games whereas I'm okay with lounging around when I have a free moment. He watches animae and I watch law and order special victims unit.
I have epilepsy and though I don't like having seizures I don't get all flustered when one happens. I also don’t follow my doctor’s instructions on not having caffeine. Aaron makes sure I don't have pop, or chocolate. Although it’s silly, we fight about me drinking soda or eating chocolate. Mainly it’s me bringing up the subject, but still. I don’t like that he’s so concerned sometimes. I think its cute for the most part but it can get annoying sometimes.
I know this is something that most men do, but he doesn’t pick up after himself. That makes me mad .I’m a clean freak so when I see something that is in the wrong place I want to pick it up. The worst part is, if I do pick up his mess he gets upset because I’m messing with his stuff.
What I’ve learned from this relationship is that we are different and I either need to deal with it or I need ro end the relationship.
Refelection of why people choose who they do when they have a friend or an intimate relationship
Thinking back to the chapter eight reading in Looking Out Looking in I was astonished when I read all the way we as communicators decide to choose friends and more intimate relationships.
Some of the examples given were appearance, similarity, relational attraction, competence, disclosure, proximity, and rewards. When I think of these examples given in the reference book, I can think of a way I gained a relationship from each example.
For instance, I am normally attracted to other who has a perky personality like myself, or who are open minded. Most of my friends are perky, or open minded.
Secondly, Appearance never really bothers me. Although I try to stay away from people who can't shower, I wouldn't be friends with someone because they dress different thenI do.
Third, Competence is a big issue for me. I've always tried to associate myself with intelligent people who are older than I because I've found that people who are my age or younger do stupid things that I don’t want to be a part of.
Self disclosure is another factor when defining a relationship. I don't enjoy people who tell me their life story right when I meet them. However, I don't like when you’re quite either. Its kind of that happy medium for me that’s hard to explain.
I’ve found these ways of seeking out others too be a profound way of doing things, and I wouldn’t change my way of meeting new people.
Some of the examples given were appearance, similarity, relational attraction, competence, disclosure, proximity, and rewards. When I think of these examples given in the reference book, I can think of a way I gained a relationship from each example.
For instance, I am normally attracted to other who has a perky personality like myself, or who are open minded. Most of my friends are perky, or open minded.
Secondly, Appearance never really bothers me. Although I try to stay away from people who can't shower, I wouldn't be friends with someone because they dress different thenI do.
Third, Competence is a big issue for me. I've always tried to associate myself with intelligent people who are older than I because I've found that people who are my age or younger do stupid things that I don’t want to be a part of.
Self disclosure is another factor when defining a relationship. I don't enjoy people who tell me their life story right when I meet them. However, I don't like when you’re quite either. Its kind of that happy medium for me that’s hard to explain.
I’ve found these ways of seeking out others too be a profound way of doing things, and I wouldn’t change my way of meeting new people.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Difference of men and Woman
According to the reference book Looking Out Looking In men and woman are different in many ways. For example: men understand what woman are saying more offten than woman undusted what men are saying. Personally I believe this too be true. Ican think of many examples when I’m with my male friend and I have to ask about what is being talked about vs. When I'm saying something. I think this is because men listen better than woman. Laughing out loud.
However, woman make up when talking in a conversation. Women ask more questions than men do. Although men tend to joke around when talking and woman ten to focus more on relationships, they seem to get their points across fine.
My boyfriend jokes around a lot. Sometimes its hard to tell when he’s serious. Although this can problem caused a fight at times, we are working on this issue. Being funny isn’t a bad thing though. It is always good to have a laugh once in a while. Another difference I’ve found between us is that I’m an open person when talking and he’s not. When looking back at the reference book, I see that it doesn’t say how much men talk, so I can’t compare my current situation to the reference material.
However, woman make up when talking in a conversation. Women ask more questions than men do. Although men tend to joke around when talking and woman ten to focus more on relationships, they seem to get their points across fine.
My boyfriend jokes around a lot. Sometimes its hard to tell when he’s serious. Although this can problem caused a fight at times, we are working on this issue. Being funny isn’t a bad thing though. It is always good to have a laugh once in a while. Another difference I’ve found between us is that I’m an open person when talking and he’s not. When looking back at the reference book, I see that it doesn’t say how much men talk, so I can’t compare my current situation to the reference material.
Power of Speech
In different area of the world our speech is portrayed differently. For example: in America hedging, tag questions, inferences, and disclaimer are used offten. However, in Japan they are more reserved. What I mean is they keep too themselves more than Americans.
Some questions that are related to speech are as follows:
Hedging:" I'm kind of disappointed" I think we should..." I guess I'd like too.."
Hesitation: " uh can I have a minute of your time?" "Well, can we could try this idea."
Intensiferners: " I'm really glad to see you" I'm not very hungry."
Polite forms: excuse me sir
Tag questions: "Its about time we got started, isn't it" " Don't you think we should give it another try?"
These questions above are used in many different forms, not just in the examples. In fact when talking with your friends and family members, you will find that your actions speak louder than words. For instance, if you are asked to pick up your mess, and you don't follow through with the action of cleaning, the other communicator will be upset.
However, If you decide to pick up your mess after being asked, the other communication will be pleased and therefore associate you listen to others.
Some questions that are related to speech are as follows:
Hedging:" I'm kind of disappointed" I think we should..." I guess I'd like too.."
Hesitation: " uh can I have a minute of your time?" "Well, can we could try this idea."
Intensiferners: " I'm really glad to see you" I'm not very hungry."
Polite forms: excuse me sir
Tag questions: "Its about time we got started, isn't it" " Don't you think we should give it another try?"
These questions above are used in many different forms, not just in the examples. In fact when talking with your friends and family members, you will find that your actions speak louder than words. For instance, if you are asked to pick up your mess, and you don't follow through with the action of cleaning, the other communicator will be upset.
However, If you decide to pick up your mess after being asked, the other communication will be pleased and therefore associate you listen to others.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Cultural Differences
My dad recently stated dating a Vietnamese woman. Since they started dating, I've realized the American culture is different from the Vietnamese culture.
For example: For the past couple of weeks I have been sick. When Tammy comes around me, see gets way to close to me. I politely say" You shouldn't be this close to me right now because you are going to catch this cold," but she doesn't understand because she stays at the same distance. The book related this cultural difference to behavioral language: names or things that imply people say or do certain things.
Another way American culture is different from the Vietnamese culture is they don't understand our language very well. It's very hard to get a joke across to someone that is from another part of the world because you have to explain the context of the joke to the point where its not funny anymore. For example: Most American’s know who Bill Engvall is. If you've seen his stand up shows, you know he’s famous because of there’s your sign. Although he has many of them, many of us know one off the top of our heads. However, if you were to try and explain a here’s your sign joke to someone from Vietnam or china, they probably wouldn't understand it.
For example: For the past couple of weeks I have been sick. When Tammy comes around me, see gets way to close to me. I politely say" You shouldn't be this close to me right now because you are going to catch this cold," but she doesn't understand because she stays at the same distance. The book related this cultural difference to behavioral language: names or things that imply people say or do certain things.
Another way American culture is different from the Vietnamese culture is they don't understand our language very well. It's very hard to get a joke across to someone that is from another part of the world because you have to explain the context of the joke to the point where its not funny anymore. For example: Most American’s know who Bill Engvall is. If you've seen his stand up shows, you know he’s famous because of there’s your sign. Although he has many of them, many of us know one off the top of our heads. However, if you were to try and explain a here’s your sign joke to someone from Vietnam or china, they probably wouldn't understand it.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Reaction's Playing off our Emotion's
Everyone shows emotion. However, we all express how we're feeling about a certian situation differently. For example: everyone reacts to September 11, 2001 differently. Many people knew someone working in the trade towers, near the trade towers,or maybe you knew some that was flying that day. Whatever your situation, we all have a recation about what happened that day.
Can you remember where you were when the first plan hit the World Trade Center? What were you feeling at that moment? I remember I was in seventh grade geography class when our princpial told us to gohome and be with our families. When I got home from school, they just kept replying the same news footage over and over again. Personally, every time I saw the plan's hit the building's, my heart started to race and I felt like I couldn't breath. The factor's I was expirencing at that given moment was physiological factors.
Nonverbal reactions can also have an affect on you emotions. For example: if I was to sweat, leave the room, or turn my head when the news played the same footage every fifteen minutes, people probably would be able to tell that I hada problemwithwhat happen that day, and that I'd rather not watch it.
Lastly, verbal expression.
Manypeople use languge to communicate what the are feeling. However,when that isn't possible, people use nonverbal and physiological factors to get their feels heard.
When our princpial told us togo home and be with our families the rest of the day, she was using verbal communicatin. This direct order lead people to panic and go home to their families.
Can you remember where you were when the first plan hit the World Trade Center? What were you feeling at that moment? I remember I was in seventh grade geography class when our princpial told us to gohome and be with our families. When I got home from school, they just kept replying the same news footage over and over again. Personally, every time I saw the plan's hit the building's, my heart started to race and I felt like I couldn't breath. The factor's I was expirencing at that given moment was physiological factors.
Nonverbal reactions can also have an affect on you emotions. For example: if I was to sweat, leave the room, or turn my head when the news played the same footage every fifteen minutes, people probably would be able to tell that I hada problemwithwhat happen that day, and that I'd rather not watch it.
Lastly, verbal expression.
Manypeople use languge to communicate what the are feeling. However,when that isn't possible, people use nonverbal and physiological factors to get their feels heard.
When our princpial told us togo home and be with our families the rest of the day, she was using verbal communicatin. This direct order lead people to panic and go home to their families.
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