Although Non verbal forms of communication are effective such as frowning and walking away from someone. Verbal forms work are well. There are two forms of verbal communication that are used on a daily basis. First, Low context cultures, which are “generally used to express thoughts and feelings” (Looking Out Looking In Pg 185) Second, high context cultures: which “are used to maintain social harmony.”( Looking Out Looking In Pg 185)
Although non nonverbal forms of communication are used more frequently than verbal forms of communication, They can sometimes be used together. For example: when a person says “good job and gives you a thumbs up sign”. (Looking Out Looking In) this non verbal and verbal reaction help you understand that you did a good job.
Although American’s use non verbal and verbal forms of communication like it going out of style, other cultures like people in Afghanistan find it in insulting when you give them a thumbs up sign. They consider it flipping someone off in their country. Some cultures like Vietnam, they are so close they don’t need to use much verbal language. I can’t tell you how my personal space has been violated by my dad’s girl friend, who by the way is Vietnamese.
Whether American or another culture we all use verbal and non verbal forms of communication. Its just not the same way in every country.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Being a better listener
I'm a very perky person, who likes to talk a lot. I'm sure some of my friends would give anything to tell me to shut up and give them a chance to speak. Hence, I should try to talk less and listen more. This way I might get more out of a conversation than the basics.
Getting rid of distractions such as the radio, friend dropping by, ex. This way I can give my full attention to the person at hand.
Don’t Judge Prematurely: Don’t judge something someone said before you give them a chance to explain. Everyone has done this at some point in their life. Although we feel stupid afterwards, we should learn from this mistake because it can help us become a good listener.
When talking to another person try to look for key ideas as they are speaking. For Example: if someone is talking about George Washington, and you need to know the main points of his life for your history test, you would listen for the main points such as his date of birth and when he died.
Nevertheless, I think I’ve had problem with listening over the years because things distract me easily, and I like to talk. If I work on these issues I can become a better listener.
Getting rid of distractions such as the radio, friend dropping by, ex. This way I can give my full attention to the person at hand.
Don’t Judge Prematurely: Don’t judge something someone said before you give them a chance to explain. Everyone has done this at some point in their life. Although we feel stupid afterwards, we should learn from this mistake because it can help us become a good listener.
When talking to another person try to look for key ideas as they are speaking. For Example: if someone is talking about George Washington, and you need to know the main points of his life for your history test, you would listen for the main points such as his date of birth and when he died.
Nevertheless, I think I’ve had problem with listening over the years because things distract me easily, and I like to talk. If I work on these issues I can become a better listener.
Ways I could listen better
I'm a very perky person, who likes to talk a lot. I'm sure some of my friends would give anything to tell me to shut up and give them a chance to speak. Hence, I should try to talk less and listen more. This way I might get more out of a conversation than the basics.
Getting rid of distractions such as the radio, friend dropping by, ex. This way I can give my full attention to the person at hand.
Don’t Judge Prematurely: Don’t judge something someone said before you give them a chance to explain. Everyone has done this at some point in their life. Although we feel stupid afterwards, we should learn from this mistake because it can help us become a good listener.
When talking to another person try to look for key ideas as they are speaking. For Example: if someone is talking about George Washington, and you need to know the main points of his life for your history test, you would listen for the main points such as his date of birth and when he died.
Nevertheless, I think I’ve had problem with listening over the years because things distract me easily, and I like to talk. If I work on these issues I can become a better listener.
Getting rid of distractions such as the radio, friend dropping by, ex. This way I can give my full attention to the person at hand.
Don’t Judge Prematurely: Don’t judge something someone said before you give them a chance to explain. Everyone has done this at some point in their life. Although we feel stupid afterwards, we should learn from this mistake because it can help us become a good listener.
When talking to another person try to look for key ideas as they are speaking. For Example: if someone is talking about George Washington, and you need to know the main points of his life for your history test, you would listen for the main points such as his date of birth and when he died.
Nevertheless, I think I’ve had problem with listening over the years because things distract me easily, and I like to talk. If I work on these issues I can become a better listener.
Selective listening and Difensive Listening in Men
Most men are selective listeners. Why is that? It’s like when a game is on all their attention is focused on that game and nothing else. Why aren’t woman this way?
For instance, my boyfriend loves to play computer games. However, he doesn’t pay much attention to anything else while playing. Yes, he will talk to me, but no I can’t get him to do get up and do anything while he’s playing. It’s like he’s a kid. I think most woman experience this with their husbands or boyfriends. Men just have that instinct to shut down and concentrate on the task at hand whereas, woman can do multiple tasks at once.
When someone ignores me I upset. I hate repeating myself. Repeating yourself because someone didn’t hear you is one thing, repeating yourself because someone isn’t listening is a totally different story.
If I’ve learned one thing in the twenty one years of my life its “men you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them.”Selective hearing isn’t the only problem men typically have. They also can be defensive listeners if they are typically are listening for something that sounds defensive. I suppose this could relate to anyone, but I don’t have any female friends that get defensive when I call them out on something. However, when I call a guy friend out on something they get defensive
For instance, my boyfriend loves to play computer games. However, he doesn’t pay much attention to anything else while playing. Yes, he will talk to me, but no I can’t get him to do get up and do anything while he’s playing. It’s like he’s a kid. I think most woman experience this with their husbands or boyfriends. Men just have that instinct to shut down and concentrate on the task at hand whereas, woman can do multiple tasks at once.
When someone ignores me I upset. I hate repeating myself. Repeating yourself because someone didn’t hear you is one thing, repeating yourself because someone isn’t listening is a totally different story.
If I’ve learned one thing in the twenty one years of my life its “men you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them.”Selective hearing isn’t the only problem men typically have. They also can be defensive listeners if they are typically are listening for something that sounds defensive. I suppose this could relate to anyone, but I don’t have any female friends that get defensive when I call them out on something. However, when I call a guy friend out on something they get defensive
Besides being a perfectionist I tend to over generalize things. For example, if someone is telling a joke I’ll take in the wrong context sometimes depending on what the joke was representing. A good example would be last week when I met a few of my boyfriend’s friends. He mentioned beforehand that I had a disability, but they still had to raze me a bit. I could take it for the first five minutes, but after that I walked away from them. I know I do the same, and yes that makes me a hypocrite, but I make sure the person next to me really isn’t offended. I wouldn’t tell a joke right as I met someone if I knew they had a disability.
I tend to take the little things to far. For instance, if someone stresses me out I’ll think about it so much that it’s a bigger issue than it really is. This in turn will give me a seizure because I made something that wasn’t a big deal a big issue.
I’ve only had that happen a few times in my life, and I’m working really hard to control over generalizing things. However, change is hard and it doesn’t just happen in one day. It can take years to change something like this.
I tend to take the little things to far. For instance, if someone stresses me out I’ll think about it so much that it’s a bigger issue than it really is. This in turn will give me a seizure because I made something that wasn’t a big deal a big issue.
I’ve only had that happen a few times in my life, and I’m working really hard to control over generalizing things. However, change is hard and it doesn’t just happen in one day. It can take years to change something like this.
Fallacy of helplessness
I’m such a perfectionist. When I was younger, I would have to start a assignment over because I was very particular about my hand writing. Now that I’m in college, I’ve gotten smart and I just type everything because it saves on time. Although I still have my little corks. For instance, everything needs to be clean at all times, and I’m not referring to my own house. Second, I have to make sure my door is shut a few time before I leave the house and before I go to sleep. Yes, I realize this is a form of obsession compulsive disorder, but I’ve also seen it as being a perfectionist. I don’t know why I am this way. Sometimes it really bothers me. For instances, when I’m rushing out the door and I have to go back to see if it’s locked. I sometimes wonder if a doctor could help me with this problem. Over the years, it has invaded my life more and more. For instance, I can’t stay at a friend’s house longer than a day because I’m scared that someones going to rob their house. Yes, its funny. However, it is what it is. When reading in the reference book Looking Out Looking In a perfectionist is also known as fallacy of helplessness. ( pg 147)
non verbal communication project
Group four decided invade people’s personal space by going to a mall and sitting on benches and recording the reactions of the person next to us. Although we all did the same thing, everyone got a different result.
For instance, When Madison went to the Burnsville Center she found that elderly people don’ care if their personal space is invaded. Abby went to the Burnsville Center as well, although she targeted a few different age groups. First she sat next to a few girls at a food court. Who were disturbed by her abrupt sitting down and no discussion? Second see sat by a single aged mom and her son, who didn’t mind their personal space being invaded. Lastly, Abby sat by an elderly woman who ignored her, and an elderly man who ignored her too.
April was another group member to do this experiment. Although when she went to the mall of America she took her whole family( husband, 5 children ages 6, 7, 9, 12,and 14).Her and her family received a whole bunch of reactions when conducting this experiment.
For instance, he two older son’s ages 12 and 14 got a whole bunch of looks when they sat next to other people on a bench. April also said her husband got reactions like woman walking away.
My point is non verbal communication can be more valuable than verbal communication sometimes. I think we all learned this by performing this experiment.
For instance, When Madison went to the Burnsville Center she found that elderly people don’ care if their personal space is invaded. Abby went to the Burnsville Center as well, although she targeted a few different age groups. First she sat next to a few girls at a food court. Who were disturbed by her abrupt sitting down and no discussion? Second see sat by a single aged mom and her son, who didn’t mind their personal space being invaded. Lastly, Abby sat by an elderly woman who ignored her, and an elderly man who ignored her too.
April was another group member to do this experiment. Although when she went to the mall of America she took her whole family( husband, 5 children ages 6, 7, 9, 12,and 14).Her and her family received a whole bunch of reactions when conducting this experiment.
For instance, he two older son’s ages 12 and 14 got a whole bunch of looks when they sat next to other people on a bench. April also said her husband got reactions like woman walking away.
My point is non verbal communication can be more valuable than verbal communication sometimes. I think we all learned this by performing this experiment.
Toxic Relationships
Everyone has a different way of defining what a toxic relationship is. I would say a toxic relationship is a relationship that you can’t get out of willingly. What I mean is you can leave on your own terms.
There are many different forms of toxic relationships. First there are abusive relationships. These relationships are hard to get out of because the woman is so wrapped up at the fact that their husband or boyfriend won’t hit them again. However, they will. Another toxic relationship is mental abuse. When your partner, family member, or friend is abusing you mentally its hard to end the relationship because your afraid what they will say to you to get you to stay. Emotional abuse is another factor when in a toxic relationship. These people can become so depressed that theydon’tknow how to get out. I can speak from personal experience because both my parents have put me through emotional distress.
When I was ten, my mom met a guy in a chat room. He turned out to be a wife beater. He hit mom several times and only hit me once. Thank goodness. I will always remember that day. I will never go into detail about it, because I start crying and shaking. However, I will say that when someone mentions the name wyttor the state Ohio I shake.
There are many different forms of toxic relationships. First there are abusive relationships. These relationships are hard to get out of because the woman is so wrapped up at the fact that their husband or boyfriend won’t hit them again. However, they will. Another toxic relationship is mental abuse. When your partner, family member, or friend is abusing you mentally its hard to end the relationship because your afraid what they will say to you to get you to stay. Emotional abuse is another factor when in a toxic relationship. These people can become so depressed that theydon’tknow how to get out. I can speak from personal experience because both my parents have put me through emotional distress.
When I was ten, my mom met a guy in a chat room. He turned out to be a wife beater. He hit mom several times and only hit me once. Thank goodness. I will always remember that day. I will never go into detail about it, because I start crying and shaking. However, I will say that when someone mentions the name wyttor the state Ohio I shake.
Oppsites Attract
Re reading the differences of men and woman, I got to thinking about the current relationship I'm in. The guy I'm dating is so different than I am. Maybe this is why we fit together so well, but still shouldn't couples have some similarities? For instance,
Aaron is into playing video games whereas I'm okay with lounging around when I have a free moment. He watches animae and I watch law and order special victims unit.
I have epilepsy and though I don't like having seizures I don't get all flustered when one happens. I also don’t follow my doctor’s instructions on not having caffeine. Aaron makes sure I don't have pop, or chocolate. Although it’s silly, we fight about me drinking soda or eating chocolate. Mainly it’s me bringing up the subject, but still. I don’t like that he’s so concerned sometimes. I think its cute for the most part but it can get annoying sometimes.
I know this is something that most men do, but he doesn’t pick up after himself. That makes me mad .I’m a clean freak so when I see something that is in the wrong place I want to pick it up. The worst part is, if I do pick up his mess he gets upset because I’m messing with his stuff.
What I’ve learned from this relationship is that we are different and I either need to deal with it or I need ro end the relationship.
Aaron is into playing video games whereas I'm okay with lounging around when I have a free moment. He watches animae and I watch law and order special victims unit.
I have epilepsy and though I don't like having seizures I don't get all flustered when one happens. I also don’t follow my doctor’s instructions on not having caffeine. Aaron makes sure I don't have pop, or chocolate. Although it’s silly, we fight about me drinking soda or eating chocolate. Mainly it’s me bringing up the subject, but still. I don’t like that he’s so concerned sometimes. I think its cute for the most part but it can get annoying sometimes.
I know this is something that most men do, but he doesn’t pick up after himself. That makes me mad .I’m a clean freak so when I see something that is in the wrong place I want to pick it up. The worst part is, if I do pick up his mess he gets upset because I’m messing with his stuff.
What I’ve learned from this relationship is that we are different and I either need to deal with it or I need ro end the relationship.
Refelection of why people choose who they do when they have a friend or an intimate relationship
Thinking back to the chapter eight reading in Looking Out Looking in I was astonished when I read all the way we as communicators decide to choose friends and more intimate relationships.
Some of the examples given were appearance, similarity, relational attraction, competence, disclosure, proximity, and rewards. When I think of these examples given in the reference book, I can think of a way I gained a relationship from each example.
For instance, I am normally attracted to other who has a perky personality like myself, or who are open minded. Most of my friends are perky, or open minded.
Secondly, Appearance never really bothers me. Although I try to stay away from people who can't shower, I wouldn't be friends with someone because they dress different thenI do.
Third, Competence is a big issue for me. I've always tried to associate myself with intelligent people who are older than I because I've found that people who are my age or younger do stupid things that I don’t want to be a part of.
Self disclosure is another factor when defining a relationship. I don't enjoy people who tell me their life story right when I meet them. However, I don't like when you’re quite either. Its kind of that happy medium for me that’s hard to explain.
I’ve found these ways of seeking out others too be a profound way of doing things, and I wouldn’t change my way of meeting new people.
Some of the examples given were appearance, similarity, relational attraction, competence, disclosure, proximity, and rewards. When I think of these examples given in the reference book, I can think of a way I gained a relationship from each example.
For instance, I am normally attracted to other who has a perky personality like myself, or who are open minded. Most of my friends are perky, or open minded.
Secondly, Appearance never really bothers me. Although I try to stay away from people who can't shower, I wouldn't be friends with someone because they dress different thenI do.
Third, Competence is a big issue for me. I've always tried to associate myself with intelligent people who are older than I because I've found that people who are my age or younger do stupid things that I don’t want to be a part of.
Self disclosure is another factor when defining a relationship. I don't enjoy people who tell me their life story right when I meet them. However, I don't like when you’re quite either. Its kind of that happy medium for me that’s hard to explain.
I’ve found these ways of seeking out others too be a profound way of doing things, and I wouldn’t change my way of meeting new people.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Difference of men and Woman
According to the reference book Looking Out Looking In men and woman are different in many ways. For example: men understand what woman are saying more offten than woman undusted what men are saying. Personally I believe this too be true. Ican think of many examples when I’m with my male friend and I have to ask about what is being talked about vs. When I'm saying something. I think this is because men listen better than woman. Laughing out loud.
However, woman make up when talking in a conversation. Women ask more questions than men do. Although men tend to joke around when talking and woman ten to focus more on relationships, they seem to get their points across fine.
My boyfriend jokes around a lot. Sometimes its hard to tell when he’s serious. Although this can problem caused a fight at times, we are working on this issue. Being funny isn’t a bad thing though. It is always good to have a laugh once in a while. Another difference I’ve found between us is that I’m an open person when talking and he’s not. When looking back at the reference book, I see that it doesn’t say how much men talk, so I can’t compare my current situation to the reference material.
However, woman make up when talking in a conversation. Women ask more questions than men do. Although men tend to joke around when talking and woman ten to focus more on relationships, they seem to get their points across fine.
My boyfriend jokes around a lot. Sometimes its hard to tell when he’s serious. Although this can problem caused a fight at times, we are working on this issue. Being funny isn’t a bad thing though. It is always good to have a laugh once in a while. Another difference I’ve found between us is that I’m an open person when talking and he’s not. When looking back at the reference book, I see that it doesn’t say how much men talk, so I can’t compare my current situation to the reference material.
Power of Speech
In different area of the world our speech is portrayed differently. For example: in America hedging, tag questions, inferences, and disclaimer are used offten. However, in Japan they are more reserved. What I mean is they keep too themselves more than Americans.
Some questions that are related to speech are as follows:
Hedging:" I'm kind of disappointed" I think we should..." I guess I'd like too.."
Hesitation: " uh can I have a minute of your time?" "Well, can we could try this idea."
Intensiferners: " I'm really glad to see you" I'm not very hungry."
Polite forms: excuse me sir
Tag questions: "Its about time we got started, isn't it" " Don't you think we should give it another try?"
These questions above are used in many different forms, not just in the examples. In fact when talking with your friends and family members, you will find that your actions speak louder than words. For instance, if you are asked to pick up your mess, and you don't follow through with the action of cleaning, the other communicator will be upset.
However, If you decide to pick up your mess after being asked, the other communication will be pleased and therefore associate you listen to others.
Some questions that are related to speech are as follows:
Hedging:" I'm kind of disappointed" I think we should..." I guess I'd like too.."
Hesitation: " uh can I have a minute of your time?" "Well, can we could try this idea."
Intensiferners: " I'm really glad to see you" I'm not very hungry."
Polite forms: excuse me sir
Tag questions: "Its about time we got started, isn't it" " Don't you think we should give it another try?"
These questions above are used in many different forms, not just in the examples. In fact when talking with your friends and family members, you will find that your actions speak louder than words. For instance, if you are asked to pick up your mess, and you don't follow through with the action of cleaning, the other communicator will be upset.
However, If you decide to pick up your mess after being asked, the other communication will be pleased and therefore associate you listen to others.
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